Finally Forty!

Weight: 200.8lbs!

So today is a very exciting day. This is the first goal I wanted to reach!


So the thing is, why do I feel like it isnt enough? I know in my mind that it is a huge accomplishment but it just doesnt feel like it is. I still feel heavy and overweight, and I dont look at myself in the mirror and feel proud. In fact I barely notice that I've lost any weight. Sure everybody else does, they remind me regularly and I love them for it I dont think I would be able to be as successful without my support system. But I start to worry, will I ever be proud of my body? Will I ever look at myself in the mirror and not think I'm fat? Will this obsession with my weight take over my entire life?

I watch my Dad, he is starting to lose weight now, and I watch his mood swings and how obsessively he talks about his weight and I get annoyed. Not because I dont want to hear about it because I am proud of him and I do but because I see all my flaws, and how I acted through him and I hate it, I hate being so dependant on my weight and having to talk about it all the time.

I know I should be proud, I really do, I just dont know if i'll ever be good enough....

Weekends

This weekend was amazing, I did something I never ever thought I would do. I took a whole day and turned off my cell (I know right!) and both my computers! It was AMAZING, I cleaned and went for an hour long run/walk down in fish creek and I read. Bar none, the most refreshing day of my life. I would suggest it to anyone, just one day, tell all your friends like a week in advance and just take a day to be yourself and catch up with who you are. My life isnt three weeks behind now and I'm not particularly rushed to finish everything but I do have a whole new outlook on things and on 'me-time'

This weekend was a definite prioritizing weekend, I decided on things that were important to me and things that weren't. I realized that there are certain people that I really care about and they are the ones I am going to make the effort to spend time with. And I realized that as busy and crazy as my life is right now, I love it.